Here's a few more of my favorite Carlin quotes as copied from this link.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? (umm yeah it is)
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
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