Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tired and Worn Down

I need another vacation because my job is killing me right now. It's hard enough to go thru this mess of a life I have with a good job, much less the one I have. I just need to get out of Knoxville for a few days because I haven't had a real vacation in years. My wife and I had planned on going to Europe either this year or next, but those plans are done now. I may still go. I'd love to go Scotland to see a Celtic Game, England to see a West Ham game, and to France to see a Lyon game. I'd also like to go to Amsterdam, but that's for nefarious reasons that can't be mentioned on this blog hehe.

I'm still having a bit of trouble adjusting to single life, but it's going okay for the most part. I can still remember all of my wife's favorite things (Cadbury Eggs, Reese cups, etc) so I just have to avoid the candy aisle like it's the plague or it brings back bad memories. I'm discovering alot of things that I avoid now. Maybe I'm just being a pussy and should get over silly stuff like that, but it bothers me. I really miss my boys (Jeddy, Jerry, and the Wee Monster) and I'd love to just pet them one more time. Heck the way kitties are, they probably don't even remember me by now, but I'd still love to see them. I still haven't done a dish in over a month (I haven't needed to yet, but I will soon). That's the nice thing about the single life. I've been eating decently, but it's all throw away stuff. I've haven't used a plate in ages. My diet now consists of the following: Sandwiches, cigarettes, tv dinners, Diet Drinks, and crackers. I haven't had a drink in ages either.

Me and a friend from work were talking at work about life and she said the hardest person in the world to take care of is yourself and to be honest, I never really thought about it like that. It is much easier to try and take care of someone else than it is to take care of yourself or at least it has been for me. I got really angry about all of it yesterday and pretty much holed myself up in the house and only talked to one or two people all day long. It seemed to have done a bit of good as I've been better today. If I had a nickel for everyone at work who has said to me over the last few months that they miss the old Dave, no one who reads the blog would have to work again. I just smile and say hopefully soon, knowing damn good and well that's not the case. Up until a few months ago, home was the sane place and work was the insane place, but now they're both pretty much the same. It's not healthy and honestly something has to give soon.

Well that's about it for tonight. Sorry to make everyone get out their black robes and Depeche Mode music. As I've said before, this blog is my therapy and I certainly hope that someone who's going thru the same thing I'm going thru now will read it and at least feel a bit better. As always, thanks for reading and thanks again to everyone



Quint75 said...

Hey pal,
You're gonna get to a place where you will love meeting new people and finding out their likes, quirks, etc. It's a great time when you finally get back out there. So don't expect too much of yourself right now, forgive yourself for having mixed emotions and play it as it lays. Don't worry about getting back to normal right away. That will happen when the time is right. For now just go ahead and feel sad, angry, excited, tired, whatever. It gets much better with time. Trust me, I have been there.

Steve Semple said...

Hey Dave..

I can't really know how you are feeling right now (not married and was about 4-5 when my parents split). Just keep your head about you and allow yourself the time to move on. Also know that you have family and friends (those close and like us, the "internet/web" kind) that are here for ya, and if you ever need to vent, steam, or just talk, we're here for ya..

Dave Roland said...

Big thanks to the both of you as well as other friends and family. Without all of you, I'm sure I would have went nuts.